The Obligatory Exploding Breast Implants of Death Post

There have been recent reports of breast and/or buttock implants being used by Al-Qaeda to conceal incendiary objects in the body so as to bypass our screening techniques. This is disturbing to say the least. From Associated Content.com:

Terrorists with al Qaeda are creating ever more inventive ways to smuggle bombs onto planes, trains, and subways. Thus, federal authorities must keep up and find ways to identify when a terrorist is loaded with explosives and capture him or her before they set off the bomb.

I know that our NSA and CIA and HAS have this situation well in um hand, however, please let me be the first to volunteer for inspection duty. Or at least I'll volunteer my imaginary robot.

That is to say I will ~~happily~~-er reluctantly don a robot suit and pretend to be afraid to ~~fondle~~ -er um inspect said breasts of questionable origins. I do solemnly swear there will be no caressing, undo squeezing or gratuitous massaging of said breasts, titties or boobs; nor will I gently cup with my hand any buttocks of unfortunate female terror suspects in any way that could be interpreted as a profiling manner.

Please, I'm a professional here.

I would also like to offer a personal list of questionable breasts that should be examined immediately.

Pamela Anderson

Megan Fox

Halle Berry

Carmen Electra

That is all.

Oh yea, I almost forgot. This post might be considered by some (mainly Smitty and R.S. McCain of The Other McCain) to be a Rule 5 post. If so, so be it; although I would never willingly admit so using such crude methods of attracting traffic to my blog. Unless of course it worked.

Also,

In less inflated or perhaps more inflated news, Judicial Watch Announces it's List of Washington's "Ten Most Wanted Corrupt Politicians" for 2009. I wonder who's on it?

6 comments:

Unknown February 5, 2010 at 5:07 PM: LOL..I don't see you taken any time off from this job!!
sig94 February 7, 2010 at 12:17 PM: Even thought this is my first time here, it had nothing to do with exploding breasts.

My sole purpose here is to provide you and your readers with the proper procedure to grant clearance to female passengers who are suspected of being equipped with IEB (Improvised Exploding Boobies).

First, remove any obstructions (silk, cotton, nylon, under wires) between you and the suspected IEB.

Second, use the approved human-based sonar detection system by "motorboating" between the suspected IEB's for at least 30 seconds or until you run out of breath.

Repeat as many times as necessary.
robot February 7, 2010 at 1:05 PM: Thank you sig94. I can see that since you are from the law enforcement field (thank you for your service by the way) that you have special knowledge of the proper procedures. I would be ill advised if I did not make proper use of your technique when conducting IEB searches. I think though that if indeed an IEB was found using said method it might sound like b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-BOOM!
Thanks for stopping by. Cheers!
Texas breast reduction March 15, 2010 at 5:52 AM: best surgery she ever had (for me anyway) was the one taht removed the lump named dave navaro, Anyway thanks for creating this post.
Cosmetic breast augmentation May 21, 2010 at 7:07 AM: today breast implant is big business in the field medical line become high paying job like Pamela Anderson,Carmen Electra make a beautiful figure with the help of medical surgery
Hawaii breast implants August 18, 2010 at 7:13 AM: yes,I think Halle's all natural. I have seen her pictures before,that was like years ago and her boobs are still the same. She's just gifted :)